I sometimes wonder.
As the teacher, I feel that my students look to me to have answers to their every question (some of them are quite ridiculous). However, I find myself leaving each day of school exhausted physically and emotionally. I'm finding that they are teaching me so much more about myself than I ever dreamed. I guess I expected to go into that classroom and change them. I'm finding that I am the one who is needing changed as well. As I have stated earlier, patience is not my strong point (just ask anyone who knows me...). In this position, I have had to develop more patience than I ever dreamed. I am still working on this, and find times in my day where I need to remind myself that they are only 5th graders. I have felt more foreheads, solved more fights, and counted down from 5 more times than I ever dreamed humanly possible. I feel like a mom to these 25 little "cherubs". It's funny how I can't even tell when a forehead has a fever or not...guess someone hasn't developed their "mom feeling" on that one! :)
I really think this position is giving me a chance to grow foremost as a person and secondly as a teacher. I have constant encouragement from my colleagues, which makes it easier for me to get out of bed after a rough day. I am so grateful for all of the people I have met in Indy who have helped to make my transition here a lot easier. It's so much better when you have people to vent to and laugh with!
As I close, I am sitting here in Starbucks thinking of all the people who have told me they read my blog. It's funny that here I am sitting in Anderson, drinking my caramel machiatto, and just finished grading a stack of writing assessments and there you are, the reader, sitting reading my thoughts and feelings on something so personal.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Exhausted.
That's currently the only word to describe how I feel.
I'm exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally.
Overall, my first week as a "real" teacher went well. I've already had an eye opening experience as to how different these students are even from the ones I worked with at my first school. The needs are completely different. This being said, after one week I have grown to love these loud, obnoxious, over-talkative 5th graders. I didn't realize the bond I had with them until I had to leave the class for 1/2 day today to do some testing. I came back in and saw how crazy the class was without me. It was then that I realized that they need me (not because I'm some sort of miracle worker, but because I believe I can be that one constant in their life; the one person who has high expectations for them and isn't afraid to hold them to it). Even though it kills me to be the "tough, strict" teacher (TOTALLY not my personality) I think they are growing to respect me for it. We are FAR from perfect, but with a little encouragement and constant reminders of respect, I really think we are going to go far this year. I constantly tell them that they are better than the way they are acting, and I know it. I'm not going to let them fail. I refuse.
Today, we had our first really great discussion in class. We were discussing Ruby Bridges, and for the first time in my life, I realized that I was the minority race in the classroom. I decided to take this time as a learning moment and run with it. The experiences the students shared from their own lives were amazing.
I think this was a great way to start of our semester together and really getting to know each other through our discussions. Needless to say, I'm in desperate need of this weekend to rest, recoop, and oh! pick my dress up that came in 4 months early! I'm so excited to see it/get to be one step closer to making July 16 a reality!
I'm exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally.
Overall, my first week as a "real" teacher went well. I've already had an eye opening experience as to how different these students are even from the ones I worked with at my first school. The needs are completely different. This being said, after one week I have grown to love these loud, obnoxious, over-talkative 5th graders. I didn't realize the bond I had with them until I had to leave the class for 1/2 day today to do some testing. I came back in and saw how crazy the class was without me. It was then that I realized that they need me (not because I'm some sort of miracle worker, but because I believe I can be that one constant in their life; the one person who has high expectations for them and isn't afraid to hold them to it). Even though it kills me to be the "tough, strict" teacher (TOTALLY not my personality) I think they are growing to respect me for it. We are FAR from perfect, but with a little encouragement and constant reminders of respect, I really think we are going to go far this year. I constantly tell them that they are better than the way they are acting, and I know it. I'm not going to let them fail. I refuse.
Today, we had our first really great discussion in class. We were discussing Ruby Bridges, and for the first time in my life, I realized that I was the minority race in the classroom. I decided to take this time as a learning moment and run with it. The experiences the students shared from their own lives were amazing.
I think this was a great way to start of our semester together and really getting to know each other through our discussions. Needless to say, I'm in desperate need of this weekend to rest, recoop, and oh! pick my dress up that came in 4 months early! I'm so excited to see it/get to be one step closer to making July 16 a reality!
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